Assalamualaikum my dear friends, there's something i want to share with all of you..Happy Teachers Day=)
Recently, there are a lot of moral problems happened to our youths in
Malaysia. Baby dumping, pre-marital sex, prostitution, and others are in the
stage that we should worry of. Thus, many people come to blame one another, why
this problem occurs to our teenagers. Some blame parents, some blame schools,
some blame society and there are also said that it is from the influenced of
mass media which influence and boost out teenager’s curiosity. Whatever the
blame goes to, I personally believed that family institutional plays an
important role in the shaping children moral behavior and thinking. As in Islam
said that children are born with fitrah and thus, their parents will shape and
determine who and what they want their children want to be. Most of the cases of
youth’s moral problem today are due to the failure of the family institutions
like family broken, divorce family, financial problem and neglecting parent
toward their children. Here, I would like to explore, what is the real
responsibility of parents in educating their children. Is it the duty of
parents is just to fulfill the children’s basic needs like shelter, food,
clothes? What about their psychological need? There are parents who fulfill all
children’s basic needs but neglected their psychological needs like need to be
loving, caring, and listening and so on. When parents did not fulfill their
psychological needs, hence they will searching for it outside home like what
happens nowadays.
Generally, in Islam, there are several responsibilities of parents
toward their children. There are responsibilities to instill and educate their
children in terms of faith, moral character, physical, intellectual, psychological,
social and sexual. Thus, I will explain about these factors.
1) The Responsibilities of nurturing eeman in children
Nurturing eeman (faith)
in children is centered on knowledge of Islamic principles, parenting, human
nature and knowledge itself. It comprises of ‘aqeedah, eeman, and ihsan.
Firstly, aqeedah which is the knowledge that one believes in the heart, without
doubt. In Islam, this would be matters of knowledge that have been transmitted
in authentic reports from Allah and the Messenger. It mentions in the Holy
Quran in (2: 285). True Islamic ‘aqeedah is as essential for humans as water
and air. Without it, humans are lost and confused. Aqeedah (belief) forms the
foundation and basis of eeman (faith or firm belief). Eeman is based upon
‘aqeedah that is firmly established in the heart. Eeman is verbally declared and
is confirmed by actions conforming to the dictates of ‘aqeedah. Correct
‘aqeedah is important so that one’s eeman will be acceptable and strong. The
more knowledge of ‘aqeedah that a person possesses, the more his or her eeman
will increase and grow. While eeman, is sincere faith that develops from an
individual’s belief system. This faith impacts the person’s thoughts, feelings,
speech and actions. There are three essential components of eeman, as stated by
many scholars, are belief in the heart, profession by the tongue (one’s
statements) and performance of deeds by the body ( one’s actions). Lastly is
ihsan which means “ doing something that you worship Allah as if you see Him.
And even though you do not see Him, ( you know) He sees you.” It is the highest
level that a human being can achieve. It means to do something in the best way
and to attain perfection and excellence in something.
This three aspect
is relates to the parenting which the goal of parents is not only to develop
their children as Muslims, but also to foster firm ‘aqeedah and eeman in the
heart. If a family spends a great deal of time teaching their children the
practical aspects of the religion rather than focusing on ‘aqeedah, it is
likely that the behavior will not be enduring. Children may know how to pray
and fast and so on, but it may not be in their hearts to do so. They may
complete these acts to please their family or to show off to Muslim friends,
but it will not be lasting. What is needed is an understanding of the true meaning
of being a Muslim, of being a mu’min, and even of attaining the level of ihsan.
Parents must cultivate this eeman in the hearts of their children, beginning
from birth. They must teach their children to sincerely submit to Allah with
their hearts, with their tongues, and with their deeds. Children must learn to
have fear of Allah, love of Allah, and trust in Allah. ( 2: 165).
2) Developing an Islamic Personality
One of the obvious purposes and goals of nurturing eeman in
children is to develop an Islamic personality within them. An Islamic
personality is one that submits completely to the will of Allah, as a servant
of Allah. Parents play an important role in this process and can either enhance
or hinder the development of this Islamic personality.
In addition to
connecting children to the pillars of eeman, there are other strategies that
parents may consider in the future to nurture eeman and develop an Islamic
personality and identify in their children. It will be helpful first to define
a few terms for our purposes. Firstly, personality is the complex of
characteristics that distinguishes an individual from others. It is the
totality of an individual’s emotional, behavioral and cognitive
characteristics. While identity is a
comprehensive set of beliefs and practices that guide one’s life. It provides a
stable sense of self. A critical element in identity and identity formation is
the belief system. The aqeedah of Islam imparts the necessary beliefs for a
healthy and stable identity. Islamic law guides one’s practices and behaviors.
Begin from an early age
Children should be taught of Islamic teaching begin from an early
age. For example, the story of Companion Abdullah bin Abas which was born three
years before the migration to Madinah and he was only 13 years old when the
Prophet died. As a young boy, he served the Prophet, went with him on journey
and expeditions, and stood behind the Prophet, always in his company. The
prophet would often bring Abdullah close to him, pat him on the shoulder and
pray “ O Lord, make him acquire a deep understanding of the religion of Islam
and instruct him in the meaning and interpretation of things”. His supplication
was answered, as ‘Abdullah had wisdom beyond his years. Young Abdullah was
attentive to what the Prophet said and did in all situations. He listened and
watched with an enthusiastic heart and committed the Prophet’s words to memory.
He became one of the most learned Companions of the Prophet, memorizing 1660
hadiths, many of which are recorded in Saheeh al-Bukhari and Saheeh Muslim.
Abdullah’s life was to be devoted to the pursuit of learning and knowledge. He
was also an ardent worshipper and a warrior, taking part in many battles.
The lesson of that
story is that we should begin to nurture knowledge, eeman, and piety in our
children from a very young age. As mentioned previously, children should know
that Allah from the moment of birth. As young children, time should be spent in
memorization of the Quran and hadiths. It is interesting to note that
psychological research has found that the ability to memorize information is
strongest during the processes of brain development and aging. The same is true
of language acquisition, which is much easier during the childhood years
The information that a child learns and memorizes during the
formative years is likely to remain in the memory storage. Memorization of the
Quran is especially important since it has positive effects upon the child’s
ability to memorize other material. Children who consistently memorize the
Quran in childhood generally excel in other subjects as well. The other issue
to consider related to teaching children from a young age is that the main
tasks of parenting take place during the early, formative years. Puberty and
the age responsibility emerge relatively early, sometimes as young as eight or
nine years of age. By this time, children should have the necessary and basic
tools to manage, function, and make decisions as a responsible Muslim. Their
behavior should be commensurate with Islamic Law, for the angels will begin
recording their deeds, both good and bad, to be presented on the Day of
Judgment. For this reason, parents must begin early and prepare their children
for this important time. The responsibility of parenting never really comes to
an end, but the greatest effort should be exerted in the early phases. If this
job is done well, the later years will run more smoothly.
Teach children to understand all things from the perspective of
Islam
A person with an Islamic personality and strong eeman will look at
all issues from the perspective of Islam. Islam becomes their criteria for
right and wrong in all matters. One of the names of the Quran is the Criterion.
It is the criterion between right and wrong, and for this reason it is the main
source of knowledge for Muslims. It provides guidance for many areas and is
further elaborated upon by the Hadith of the Prophet.
Children should realize that all issues and situations should be
viewed through the “lens” of Islam, with the Quran and the Sunnah as the
guides. Islam is a complete and comprehensive way of life that covers every aspect:
spiritual, familial, social, economic, and political; as such, it can be
applied to the various challenges and problems that one may face in life. For
example, a child encounters a particularly difficult situation in school such
as bullying or teasing by classmates. He should be encouraged to search in the
Quran and Hadith to find the most appropriate Islamic solution to his problem.
What does the Quran say about dealing with others who act in harmful way? What
would the Prophet do in the same circumstances? Are there similar stories in
the seerah to indicate how the Prophet may have coped with such tests? Through
this process they not only learn about the Islamic approach to life, but they
also gain a deeper understanding of the Quran and the hadith as well.
Teach importance of obedience to parents
The term that means “ obey” and related concept appear many times
in the Quran. Allah reminds us countless times to obey Him and to obey His
Messenger. Allah declares, ( 24:54), (64:16). For the family to function
properly, a wife needs to obey her husband and the children need to obey their
parents unless the husband or parents order them to be disobedient to Allah.
When they do this, they are ultimately obeying Allah and receiving the greatest
of Rewards. Allah says, “ …So righteous women are devoutly obedient,
guarding in ( the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard…”.
Children need to be taught this concept from a vey young age, and the
interactions between the mother and father provide ideal examples. The
obedience of children to their parents is actually the training ground for
eventual submission to Allah. In many ways they go hand in hand, but effective
parenting provides the tangible examples that fit with the mind of a young
child and ease the transition into responsibility. Notably, children must
comprehend that obedience to parents is at the submission and obedience to
Allah.
When a child learn
obedience within the family unit, this generalizes into other areas of his or
her life ( in school, with peers, and with other adults). There are many
situations in which we all need to listen and obey: student to teacher, worker
to supervisor, soldier to commander, and so forth, with Allah as the final
authority. ( 4: 59). This principle is necessary for optimal functioning of the
society.
Part of the
rationale behind this ruling is that parents and other adults have more
experience than a child and consequently more wisdom. They have gained more
knowledge, undergone more trials and tribulations, and learned from their own
mistakes. It is important for children to understand that they have their best
interest in mind when making decisions. This will assist the children in
understanding the perspective of their parents and will build trust between
them. Of course, Allah knows us better than we know our own selves, so He is
our ultimate judge in all matters.
Encourage a focus on worthy values and related projects
In this day and
age, children spend a significant amount of time in useless and valueless
pursuits: watching television, playing computer games, surfing the internet;
the list is endless. In essence, they spend significantly greater amounts of
time in the fictional world than they do in the real world. It suddenly becomes
frightening when you begin to realize this fact and understand the
implications. As parents of Muslim children, we need to focus on worthy values,
goals, and projects, and instill the same aspirations in our children.
As we look at the
situation of the world today, we see so much oppression, strife, destruction,
and complete disregard for the fundamental rights of humans. Many of the
victims of this death, devastation, and grief are Muslims. We must recall that
it is our obligation to help our brothers, sisters, and others who are
suffering in the world today. Our Muslim brothers and sisters are calling out
desperately for our help, and we must respond. We particularly need to take
care of the children whose futures seem so dark and hopeless, and who are
dependent upon adults for their needs.
Demonstrate and encourage pride in being Muslim
Parents should take the lead in demonstrating pride in the religion
of Islam and in being Muslim. Children are very perceptive and can sense the
feelings and thoughts of their parents, even if they do not readily show in
behavior. Pride, in this context, is very different from arrogance in that it
refers to a sense of dignity and certainty, and commitment to carry the banner
of Islam for the sake of Allah. Muslims should be proud of the gift that they
have been given from Allah and should work to spread it wherever they are.
Pride, self-respect, and self-esteem are key components of identify and
facilitate the stable and consistent sense of who we are and how we fit into
society. If self-esteem does not come from being Muslim, a person will attempt
to gain it through other means. Children and youth are particularly vulnerable
as these aspects develop gradually during those years.
Instill love of Jihad
Jihad is one of the mainstays of Islam that has been abandoned by
the majority of the Muslim community.
This is one of the causes of the humiliation of Muslims in our time. The grief
and suffering caused by current circumstances is overwhelming. As Muslims, we
know that the only viable solution is returning to the Quran and the Sunnah.
Principles of justice, security, and honor can only be guaranteed fully with
the implementation of Allah’ laws on the earth, which deserves the utmost
respect and honor. The ultimate goal in the struggle is to establish Islam and
Islamic law, which eliminate all forms of oppression completely and give Allah
the devotion and adoration that only He deserves.
This is a process
that does not come easily, as it requires a great struggle. This struggle, in
the Islamic sense, is termed jihad. Jihad is an Arabic term that means to
strive, struggle, and work to improve, and it can be applied to any effort
exerted by a person. In an Islamic sense, the general meaning of jihad is to
strive, struggle, and work to improve and it can be applied to any effort
exerted by a person. In an Islamic sense, the general meaning of Jihad is to
strive in the path of Islam in our hearts, in our homes, in our communities,
and in our countries. Allah indicates in the Quran,” And who strive for
us---We will surely guide them to Our ways. And indeed, Allah is with the doers
of good” ( 26:69)
Jihad means to
struggle against injustice, oppression, corruption, tyranny, exploitation, and
the denial of basic human rights. It means to fight against sacrilege and blasphemy
of Allah, His Messenger, and His Book. It means to strive against the enemies of
Islam, both visible and unseen, for Satan has an army working with Him. Allah
says : “ Those who believe fight in the cause of Allah, and those who
disbelieve fight in the cause of false objects of worship. So fight against the
allies of Satan. Indeed, the plot of Satan has ever been weak.” ( 4:
76). Ultimately, jihad is the struggle against Satan and his assistants, who
appear in the form of jinn and humans.
Jihad is an
essential element in the religion of Islam, and to realize what occurs when it
is abandoned means to understand its status; for without jihad, evil will
reign. Jihad is so significant that those who perform it are regarded as the
best of people. Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri narrated: “Somebody asked: O Allah’s
Messenger! Who is the best among the people? Allah’s Messenger replied: A
believer who strives his utmost in Allah’s cause with his life and property”
Place Islam before ethnicity and nationality
Two major threats to the development of a Muslim identity are
ethnicity and nationality. Allah actually warns about this several times in the
Quran. He mentions:
“ And when it is said to them: Follow what Allah has
revealed, they say: Rather, we will follow that which we found our fathers
doing. Even though their fathers understood nothing, nor were they guided?”
( 2: 170)
This has happened
throughout history and it continues to this day. Many Muslims today place
greater emphasis on their cultural traditions and nationality than they do on
Islamic values and practices. This means that their national and ethnic
identities are much stronger that their Islamic identity. Children should be
taught that Muslim identity and Islam come before all else. Muslims are brother
and sisters to one another regardless of race, ethnicity or nationality; and
there is no superiority of one over the other in any of these. They must also
understand that there is nothing more important than being a Muslim. There is
grave danger in placing ethnicity or nationality above Islam as it may actually
lead to various forms of misguidance and shirk. Of course, there is also the
danger of the dominant culture for those living in the West. Although Islam
accepts and recognizes the value and beauty of the variety of cultures,
traditions, and languages, religion should be given priority when it comes to
relevant matters.
3) The development of the Emotional Part in enhancing Islamic
Personality and building self-esteem
The development of emotional part within the children self is very
important because it can enhance the Islamic personality and identify of
children as well as build strong self-esteem and confidence. These suggestions
are discussed below with an emphasis on self-esteem. We shall look at the
definitions of the self-concept and self-esteem.
Firstly, self-concept
is a mental image of one’s self. It is comprised of terms that a person uses to
describe him or herself. Such terms may include outgoing, shy, curious, brave,
intelligent, and so forth.
Self-esteem is the
evaluation of information contained in a person’s self-concept. It is
considered to be the level of confidence and satisfaction in one’s self. A
person with high self-esteem feels confident and pleased with his or her
concept or idea of himself or herself.
Research has found
that children who are morally and spiritually conscious develop a sense of
their own self-worth. Parents can assist children in developing an Islamic
personality and high self-esteem. Self-esteem is an important factor in social
and emotional adjustment. Children with high self-esteem are more capable of
making good decisions, are proud of their accomplishments, are wiling to take
responsibility, and act independently. They are better able to cope with
stressful situations and are enthusiastic about challenges. They also have the
ability to handle positive and negative emotions and are more socially
competent.
Nurture the special gift from Allah
Each child is born
with unique personality traits, temperaments, skills, abilities, and special
gifts from Allah. These gifts were given to a child for a purpose. They should
be nurtured and allowed to develop to their fullest capacity. Children should
be taught to dedicate their talents and resources to Allah’s service. This
gives value, purpose, and direction in life. Parents play an important role in
this regard. They first need to determine the special characteristics and gifts
of each child and then find ways to enhance them. If a child’s natural
abilities are not allowed to grow, this may negatively affect self-esteem.
Love your children abundantly
Parents should
show their children how much they care for and love them. They should call
their children on a regular basis that they love them. Children should also be
treated with respect and courtesy since actions often speak louder than words.
Physical contact is essential, including such things as hugs, kisses, strokes,
pats on the back. An important aspect also is that parents should spend time
with their children whenever possible. This may involve playing games, talking,
taking a work, praying and reading the Quran together, going to the mosque, or
sharing other favorite activities. A sense of humor also goes along way in
dealing with many situations and for strengthening the parent-child
relationship.
Communicate with your children
It is very
difficult to build a relationship with any human being without frequent
communication. Communication is what relationship are based upon. This is
definitely true for the parent-child relationship as well. We cannot expect to
have an influence upon our children unless we have regular contact with them.
This is particularly true as the child gets older and begins to understand more
about the world. If the lines of communication are open, it is more likely that
she will come to his or her parents to find answer to important questions that
come up in life. This offers unique opportunities for parents to share their
beliefs and values in a direct and real way. Without a history of open
communication, this may never happen. A line of communication is also essential
for effective discipline.
The most critical
element for effective communication is listening ( really listening). This
means giving your child undivided attention, putting aside your feelings and
opinions for a moment, and trying to understand those of your child. His or her
ideas, emotions, and feelings should be taken seriously. Parents should show
their children that what they do is important by talking with them about their
activities and interests. At times, it may be necessary to express values and
beliefs, but this should be done in a calm manner and accompanied with a
rationale. Problems should be discussed without placing blame or commenting on
a child’s character.
Praise them for good behavior
Children respond well to praise and positive attention and this can
go along way in preventing problem behaviors and reducing them once they occur.
The use of such phrases or remarks also builds self-esteem. Examples include, “
Thank you for helping”, “ That was an excellent idea!”, “ You are terrific”, “
What a nice job!”, “and “Allah will be pleased with you”. Praise, recognition,
special privileges, or increased responsibility may be given for
accomplishments and successes. Hugs and kisses may be used as rewards as well.
Praise and kindness are much more effective as forms of discipline
than harshness and physical punishments. In effect, they act as preventive
tools. They prophet said : “When Allah wills some good towards the people of a
household, He introduces kindness among them”. The Prophet also said: “Allah
loves kindness and rewards it in such a way that he does not reward for
harshness or for anything else’. Children who are treated with respect and
kindness respond more easily and quickly to the disciplinary efforts of
parents. This prevents many arguments and confrontations.
Give them praise and respect in front of others
Sahl ibn Sa’d said that Prophet was brought up a cup and he drank
from it. There was a boy, the youngest of all the people, on his right and some
elders on his left. He asked: Child, will you allow me to give this to these
elders? The boy replied: I will not give away my share of your blessings to
anyone, O Messenger of Allah. So, he gave the cup to the boy.
This hadith provides a unique and valuable example of respect for
children. It is likely the most adults in that some situation would ignore the
child or ask him or her to go away so as not to bother the grown-ups. It seems
odd that some parents show a great deal of respect to perfect strangers but
fall short when it comes to their own children. The prophet demonstrated the
proper manner of dealing with such a situation. Children are human beings and
they deserve the same level of respect as any other human being. It is
important to respect and admire our children at all times, particularly in
front of other people. This sends a very powerful message that a parent values
his or her children and considers them to be a worthy member of the community.
The prophet often included young children and youth in study circles with
Companions. These types of experiences are invaluable for character development
and lead to a smooth transition into adulthood and the responsibilities of
life.
Avoid humiliating or shaming them
Parents should
avoid humiliating or shaming children, particularly in the presence of others.
Their ideas should not be belittled nor should they be ridiculed or ostracized.
Anas narrated: “I served the Prophet for ten years, and he never said to me, “
Uff,” and never blamed me by saying: Why did you do that or why didn’t you do
that”. This is another compelling illustration of kind treatment toward
children, ten years, and not one instance of impatience or negative commentary.
Some parents are with their children for five minutes and find some way to
blame them for every bad thing that happened that they.
Humiliation,
shame, ridicule only serves to harm a child’s personality and well-being. In
essence, they have the opposite effect of praise and kindness. They lead to a
decrease in self-esteem and self-confidence, and in severe cases, a disturbed
personality and behavior problems. We can imagine how we feel when someone
gives us a negative comment or humiliates us in some way. It can be hurtful and
embarrassing. Children feel the same way and, due to the facts that their
personalities and characters are developing, they are much more vulnerable than
adults. As a result, they are more likely to suffer from the harmful effects of
such actions and carry these effects with them for longer periods of time.
Parents should constantly be aware of the sensitive nature of children and
their unique vulnerability.
Consult them and ask for their opinions
Consulting
children about certain matters help them to feel grown-up, responsible, and
trustworthy. They feel that their opinions are valued when they are asked to
express their point of view. It also strengthens their sense of belonging and
responsibility toward the family unit. The amount and type of consultation that
is done depends, of course, on the age and developmental level of each child.
As children reach the teenage years, it becomes even more important to involve
them in family discussions. This approach enhances the skills that will be
invaluable for them in adult life, such as communication skills,
problem-solving, decision-making, compromise and so forth.
It would be
advisable to arrange and conduct family meetings to discuss issues related to
the family and its members. A family meeting is basically a structured
discussion time that typically is scheduled on a regular basis and involves all
members of a family. It provides a forum for making group decisions, assigning
responsibilities, sharing positive feelings, and choosing activities for family
fun. Problems that family members are facing may be discussed along with
possible solutions. These meetings will assist in establishing strong ties,
interaction, and co-operation amongst family members. It should be clear,
however, that with any form of consultation or family meetings the final
authority and decision-making rests with the parents due to their position
within the family.
Foster responsibility and independence
Children should be
given responsibilities according to their age and abilities. This provides
training for the development of conscientious, trustworthy and independent
behavior. As young adults, they will eventually need to make their own
important decisions in their lives. With appropriate experiences, they are
provided with opportunities to learn and develop essential decision-making and
problem-solving skills. They should then be encouraged to apply these skills on
a regular basis. As children get older, they should gradually be allowed more
freedom and control over their lives, within suitable limits. Parent should
continue to provide support when necessary. The development of responsibility
and independence is key to anyone’s self-confidence and high self-esteem. Such
a child will feel valued, appreciated and competent. This, in turn, will
increase the level of trust between a parent and child and enhance the
parent-child and enhance the parent-child relationship, which is so vital in
achieving the goals that have been set.
4) Environmental factors ( Home environment)
The environment surrounding children may also have an impact upon
their spiritual development. This influence is often subtle, but nonetheless
can be quite significant. This is particularly true as the child matures and
moves from childhood into adolescence and early childhood. The general
understanding in the field of development is that as child develops, the
influence of parents tends to diminish (although it never ends) and the role of
peers and the community becomes more significant. It is gradual process, which
of course will vary from person to person.
Create an environment of eeman within the home
The home must be place where Allah is remembered throughout the day
through prayer, reading the Quran, remembrance of Allah, supplication,
discussion of Islamic topics, reading Islamic books, and so on. These are
things that should occur on a consistent basis, so that the angels will enter
the home and bring Allah’s blessings.
Establish prayer within the home
Prayer should be established within the home at its required time,
and members of the family should pray in congregation when several parts
present. Establishment of prayer means not only to fulfill the prayer, but to
complete it on time and with humbleness. The family may also designate a
specific area for prayer and maintain its uniqueness and cleanliness. The
members of the household should encourage and remind one another regarding the
prayer.
Make teaching and learning ongoing process
Teaching and learning should be ongoing activities in every Muslim
household. Attaining knowledge regarding the religion is incumbent upon all
members of the family and is the basis upon which eeman will flourish. The head
of the household has the primary responsibility to ensure that he is guiding
his family to the correct path, enjoining them to do what is good and right,
and forbidding them from wrongdoing. Both father and mother work together to
teach the children correct Islamic ‘aqeedah, the pillars of Islam, the pillars
of eeman, what Allah has enjoined, what He has prohibited, and Quranic
memorization.
5) The peer environment
Between the ages of six and twelve, children typically spend
approximately 40 percent of their working hours in the company of
peers-children of their own and age and status. This is twice the amount of
time they spent with peers during the preschool years, and it is accompanied by
a corresponding decrease in time spent with parents. As children enter
adolescence, peer interaction increases even more. On the average, teenagers
spend twice as much time with peers outside of schools as they do with their
parents or other adults. This is part of the natural, social transition into
adulthood.
References
Aisha Hamdan, Nurturing Eeman in Children, international Islamic
Publishing House, 2009
Muhammad Nur Abdullah Hafiz Suaid, Didik anak cara Rasulullah SAW,
Klang Book Centre, 2006
Hamudah Jamaludin, 50 Kaedah mendidik anak cemerlang, Jasmin
Enterprise, 2004
Saedah Siraj, Pendidikan AnakAnak, Perpustakaan Negara Malaysia,
cetakan kedua 2007.
